Sunday, October 3, 2010


Two unrelated events happened today that brought me face to face with time:
First, I found out that my mother is going in for some neurological testing. She's been having "issues" with her short term memory. I use italics because she has been a little vague as to the extent of what has been happening. Knowing my mother, the fact that she's actually going to see someone means there have been enough incidents and she is Concerned. That means she's scared and trying really hard not to worry her daughters about her state of mind. Literally.
Later in the day, my son asked if he could store his girlfriend's furniture up in his old room for a few weeks while they transition into getting an apartment together beginning in December. I said no to the storage of things in that room because I have turned my son's old bedroom into a workout room. It's pretty cool and I have great plans to use it – if I can only get myself up at 5:30 am. . I felt put on the spot for valuing my new found space while at the same time sounding like I was reluctant to help him. In front of his girlfriend. We talked about other spaces in the house or the fact that he could always get a storage unit – but it was awkward.
My mother is aging and so is my son. Sometimes I feel as if I am standing still and not quite able to keep up with how fast children become adults and how quickly parents become elderly. Obviously if such change comes to those generations that bookend me – then I am changing too. It just doesn't feel like it – not today, anyway.
And yet – this is about love and life. The absolute love I feel for my mother and for my son. No matter how much I might grouse, I know I would do just about anything for either one of them. Neither of these two ask for very much of me. It isn't their needs that I am resisting – it is the acceptance of who they are in the world at this moment. Who wants to watch a beloved parent's health decline? Where did my carefree little boy go?
I've told my mom that I'll go to any appointments with her – I may have to insist. I called my son back tonight to make sure he knows how supportive I want to be and that we'll make room (in other spaces) for whatever they need.
Engaging my own resistance is challenging.

No comments:

Post a Comment