Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Job, career, profession

I'm wondering how to tell my boss that I think I want to leave in 8 months.
I think he knows something is up. Kind of like when you can feel someone starting to disconnect from a relationship. And suddenly he's asking me how I am doing, if I'm happy – if I want a promotion. One of the wonderful gifts of this retreat I went on was the clarity I feel around what makes my ego happy – and what is in my heart. They aren't really aligned at the moment. Ego loves the titles, the accolades, the feeling of satisfaction. I can do this work. I can manage other people well, organize a department, be a team member and lead at the same time. Ego has needed to bask in that and continues to see the benefits of the current career path.
"Do you love yourself enough to listen with the ears of your heart to what is spoken here?"
Yes, I think I actually do.
It's not easy because this is truly a heart decision. I like the people I work with. The organization is interesting and growing in some fascinating directions. I get to talk to people about their dreams and what calls them to make life changes. I have been able to learn so much about myself and how I relate to others. I could list all the cons – the stress, the messy moments, the dysfunctional elements – but, to be honest, none of those have been out of the bounds of my expectations. Like family, organizational systems are populated with human beings. Yes, those imperfect beings that just don't ever quite line up the way you think they should.
Which means that I have the harder task of leaving with a heart full of appreciation and love. It is always so much easier to leave when you can focus on all the complaints and bad stuff.
I'm not sure exactly what the outcome will be. I suspect that I am going to be learning more as I proceed with my plans.
Not that I have a plan, really. I just know where my heart is telling me I don't want to be. If there is one thing that I've learned over the years it's this: it is very hard to step up to a new door way when you can't leave the threshold of the old door.
My heart is telling me to take that step.

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