Monday, January 31, 2011

This being human…

    It is certainly turning out to be one of those weeks. "Those weeks" as in 'I better just stay away from human beings and keep my mouth shut at all times' weeks. No one should really speak to me either because they inadvertently will say things they wish they never had said. Is it Mercury in retrograde or just a little black rain cloud spreading joy over my world at the moment? Or maybe - just maybe – am I feeling a wee bit human with all of the vulnerabilities that are part of that package?
I'm not all that grounded at the moment. Yes, it is that time of year when my job gets particularly busy and stressful. We are now mere weeks away from having our spring students start their programs and if things can go wrong they will go wrong and it's my job to keep everything somehow running as smooth as possible. It is times like this that I wonder what I am doing and why. Typical question that everyone asks at one point of the other, right?
I revisit that question quite often. I keep checking in – is this where I want to be right now?
Most of the time, the answer is yes. This week, the answer is no – not a strong negative but a simple desire to curl up with a good book, work in my garden, go for long walks, write in my journal, make some jam, work on my quilt, watch some TV, visit with friends and not drive my car. I'd like to abdicate responsibility and turn off my thinking self – the intellectual exercises that seem to govern my life right now – and just be.
Mind, Body and Spirit. My mind is feeling a bit worn out and good ol' Body and Spirit are wondering when I'm going to let them back in.
It is the struggle that I want to resolve. How to balance out spirit, body with mind. What kernel of truth am I forgetting every day that I get up to an alarm clock? What rules am I allowing to control my life that are not the habits that I want to live by and support?
Kernel of truth: living is joy. Find my joy in each day.
Let's see if I can hold on to that and change how my week will unfold.
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

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