Monday, February 7, 2011

This Being Human – part two

I'm thinking about the past weekend and it was a particularly hard one. There was a convergence of factors that all came together Saturday night that left me reeling. Stress at work coupled with a sense of not having enough time to be and do all that I feel I need to be and do at home and in relationships – add in a huge dollop of hormonal shifts and what I ended up with was an anxiety attack layered with some depression.
Do not let these hormones fool you. They are not so benign once you begin to experience their changing influences on your body and mind. PMS is much more difficult now with perimenopause and as my hormones continue to shift as I get older, I keep finding myself hitting a wall that is within my own body. I know the wall is made more painful by the burdens I keep thinking I can handle. I feel trapped and, more often than not, unwilling to surrender my sense of what I should be able to manage to the reality of what I honestly can manage.
Today, it bothers me that I have to continually come to terms with myself. Tomorrow, I'll remember what grace and compassion are.

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